Friday, September 17, 2010

"Does the Black Church Keep Black Women Single?"

At first onset, I was laughing my butt off when I first read this. I couldn't believe that something like this would even be fathomed. I have always heard as a kid, " The best place to find a spouse is right here in the church." They didn't say it had to be your own church but in the church nonetheless. You hear pastors all the time telling women to look in the church for their husband. there is an insistence on it which I believe comes from a good place with in these pastors to iterate that to women.

But according to relationship advice columnist Deborrah Cooper, it is this devout style of belief and attachment to the black church that is keeping black women like Davis -- single and lonely. Cooper said, "Black women are interpreting the scriptures too literally. They want a man to which they are 'equally yoked' -- a man that goes to church five times a week and every Sunday just like they do." "If they meet a black man that is not in church, they are automatically eliminated as a potential suitor. This is just limiting their dating pool."

Let me share My Thoughts to this paragraph. I'm probably going to sound biased in this matter and that's ok with me. I am a Christian and won't apologize for this or bite my tongue. First off this lady is generalizing pretty badly. There are a lot of women who go to church a lot but not every woman is on the board of deacons or directors at church, especially with the more emergence of mega-churches. I think equally yoked is more alon the lines of your faith. My uncle works a shift of 3PM-11Pm Monday thru Saturday. My aunt is able to go to church more often than he did during the week. My uncle is still a deacon of the church because he is a true follower of Christ. My uncle works in every capacity he can for our church and is always professing his faith in Christ unashamedly. My aunt is a devout Christian too. She is very faithful to God and a true warrior for God. This is what it means to be equally yoked. Both of them share the same beliefs, live to serve God, and submit to his will while going in the same direction. This is what it means to be equally yoked. Church attendance does not prove anyone to be a Christian. If a woman meets a man who is not going in the same direction as her in regards to a faith that can create unwarranted problems. I think it would be better to date a limited pool rather than date someone you would never be happy with long-term.

Dr. Boyce Watkins, a professor at Syracuse University and advocate for African-American issues, responded to Cooper's article online. Though he applauded Cooper's courage to voice her opinion , he agreed -- and disagreed -- with her.
"I don't think the church keeps black women single," Watkins says. "But I do agree that some black churches teach women that they must only date a man that goes to church regularly."
Watkins, who is African-American and whose father is a Southern Baptist minister, described his interactions with southern women who are devout churchgoers. "I am a male and I know that I will treat a woman well, but I have been rejected many times because I don't thump a bible with me everywhere that I go."

My Thoughts to this is those churches are misguided. Yes I said it. I believe there are people who use more a slave mentality to the Bible rather than actually taking the time to understand the knowledge being shared. I was talking to a Frat brother of mine and we were discussing Exodus 14:14. " The Lord will fight for you. Be Still" I have beard pastors improperly preach about this. They say, " Be still and don't do anything. God will take care of it for you. You need to be still" Stop trying to fix the problem. God will fix it for you. That bill you can't pay, God will pay it for you. He already has." Idiots. Some preachers don't go into the depth needed in that verse. It more or less is telling people to exert patience in God that he will take care of it for you. God will send messages your way to enable you to handle the problem. God may set some extra hours for you at your job to work. That could be your solution. He will make a way for you if you're patient and believe in Him. Money won't fall out the sky, not to say it couldn't if God ordains it. But you get my point.

One of biggest reasons black women are single, Cooper says, is because of a lack of black men in the church. According to the PEW study, "African-American men are significantly more likely than women to be unaffiliated with any religion (16 percent vs. 9 percent). Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation."
Watkins believes the social structure of the church keeps black men from attending. "Those appealing, high-testosterone guys have a hard time getting into the 'Follow the leader, give me your money, and listen to what I have to say' attitude."
"Many of us have a difficult time submitting to the pastor who is just another man."

My Thoughts on this is.....they may have a point. I have to admit that there is a serious declination of black men in the church this day and age. There are too many sporadic comings and goings on men in the church. They prioritize other things in the place of their salvation. You have a lot of fathers who will go to church on the "big" days like Easter, Christmas, and New Years Day. I admit, I usually don't like to give money in the Pastor's envelope. I think, "There are over 500 people in here with 4 different services and this man still needs a separate envelope." I'm not saying this is always the best way to think about it but this is just how I feel. It is tough for some men to totally submit to the teachings of another man. Think about the stereotype of fathers who never want to pull over to ask for directions despite the insistence of the wives to pull over. What man wants to be told by another man, you aren't capable of getting your family from point A to point B. Another man will be the reason why my family makes it there.
Mark K. Forston, son of a black preacher in Forest Park, Georgia, says some black women "put their pastor on this pedestal and have a large amount of faith in him because he is a living source of salvation."

My Thoughts on this matter...I agree again!!! I'm going to keep this part short. There are TOO MANY WOMEN WHO GLORIFY THEIR PASTORS/PREACHERS/REVERENDS LIKE THEY WERE BORN OF GOD INSTEAD OF CHRIST!!!

Rev. Renita J. Weems says Cooper fails to examine deeper threads. "What the black church does and what religion does is helps you create core values for your life and allows you to see what you appreciate in others.
"The reason why black women who go to black churches are not married is because they are looking for certain values in a man," Weems says. "It is not the church that keeps them single, but the simple fact that good values are lacking in some of our men."

My Thoughts...I agree with her. She sums it up well in my opinion. I don't have to beat a dead horse on this one.
Overall, I can agree with certain things from Cooper and I have to disagree with her on some points. I can see what the big uproar was about when this story broke. But I will say this, some women need to think about some of her points..thank you for taking a look into My Thoughts...

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