Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Commitments...GIVE THEM DEFINITION...

Commitment. I don't think everyone get what that is implying when we get into or are pursuing romantic relationships. Some take them too serious and some not serious enough. Every relationship will be different in the level of commitment. I think the problem with commitment in individual relationships is that it becomes to big of a blanket word that is never clearly defined. Commitment is defined in the dictionary as: interaction dominated by obligations. These obligations may be mutual, or self-imposed, or explicitly stated, or may not. I think too many relationships have been crippled by the use or lack of use in some of these relationships where commitment becomes a problem.
First off, let's use the obvious. Mutual. This has become a glaring problem with commitment because sometimes it's not mutual. One thinks this way about commitment and another thinks another about commitment. They both find it unimportant to make sure their views are mutual about commitment and BOOM problems happen. I'm not even talking about cheating. Some people feel you speaking to an opposite sex friend on the phone after a certain time may be violating that commitment because that time is supposed to be their time. I have seen relationships like that. One party has never been in a relationship like that and thinks it's stupid. The other thinks it's right. So once again, it doesn't always have to be cheating. It's just simply the fact you two haven't come to terms about the mutuality of this commitment to each other.
My last point brings me into my next. the confusion of commitment can come from the commitment being self-imposed. You make this rule for yourself thinking the other person will get the memo right along with you. That is not the way commitment works again. You are giving it definition but no definition with each other which can turn out to become very problematic. For example, I had a friend who believes when two people are talking, there should be no one else you should be talking to. LIES. Why can't I give myself options to explore the best choice? She expects a guy to feel the same way. That's poppycock. She has self-imposed this definition on herself. He has not. Or it could be vice versa.
The next thing is explicitly stating or not. DON'T LET ANY COMMITMENT YOU MAKE WITH A PERSON HAVE AMBIGUOUS GUIDELINES. TALK ABOUT IT. You never, ever, want to enter a commitment without talking about the issue. That is a road to problems. Say what your self-imposed terms are and make them mutual. We cannot expect the person to get on the same page as you without being very explicit about the commitment you embark on.
I just wanted to share this brief blog with you...thank you for taking a look into My Thoughts..

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